Do you really know yourself?

***Disclaimer: today’s post is a bit longer than normal

Shop my look:

SHIRT: Gap //// SKIRT: J.Crew Factory (yes I bought it in black too!) //// HEELS: Shoe Dazzle //// NECKLACE: Forever 21 //// CLUTCH: Banana Republic //// WATCH: Guess Mens //// SUNGLASSES: Forever 21

I’ve always had a full schedule, even when in school. I would teach workout classes, work a part time job, go to school full time, and keep up my normal daily workouts, along with side activities and adventures with my friends. When I graduated, I assumed I would have no problem transitioning to working full time in an office since I’m used to being busy at least 40 hours a week. Boy was I wrong. I think one big mistake was not taking a break. I went from working part time and taking my exams to full time the following Monday. I never had my last college Christmas break, or really any time to wrap my head around what had happened. I think my lowest point was in mid-January – I was driving home and stuck in miserable, snowy rush hour traffic, realizing that it was already almost 6pm and I hadn’t done one thing that I wanted to do that day. So what does an overwhelmed, exhausted 22-year old do? Cry. I just cried. Went home, laid on my bed for 5 min and sobbed. Then I told myself to pull my shit together and change clothes because I had to teach SPIN from 6:30-8:00. (I realize now as I’m typing this that me crying sounds over dramatic and somewhat pathetic, but hey, its the truth)

As you can see, my adjusting hasn’t been going as well as previously hoped. It has definitely gotten better, but I’ve still been having this overwhelming sense of feeling trapped. I can’t explain exactly how it feels, but its terrible and it consumes me. After discussing this endlessly with my parents, my Dad suggested I talk to Dave, his friend that is a life coach. Back in 2012, Dave actually gave me my Birkman assessment. For those of you that aren’t familiar, the Birkman is “an online personality, social perception, and occupational interest assessment measuring and reporting behavioral strengths, motivations, expectations, stress behavior and career profiles” aka a really in-depth personality/interest test. Back when I took it in 2012, I really didn’t want to (my dad totally made me) and I disregarded my 45-page report afterwards. Now, I am finding out how important it all is.

Dave and I talked on the phone last Monday night, and as soon as I told him I was feeling trapped, he pulled out my old results and informed me that I had a scored a 95 on the freedom/personal independence section. An average score for that is about 50, meaning my 95 is almost off the charts!

Long story short, just finding out more about myself; my trigger points, my needs, and my strengths, has really helped me this past week and a half. Finding out that there was a reason I was feeling so trapped was amazing, because I truly just thought I was going crazy. I’ve been working on keeping a positive attitude and doing more creative things (that score was a 99!) but I am still trying to figure myself out and what is best for me. I’m not going to make any rash decisions, but continue working towards my dreams.

Although, I will admit I am scared for this summer. Every summer up until now I have worked outside, managing pools and coaching swim teams. I made the schedule, and had a lot of freedom and control. I’m worried I’m going to become really sad being stuck inside all summer long. It shouldn’t worry me, but it has been in the back of my mind since Christmas, and there is no turning back now since they just hired my replacement at the country club.

***If anyone has tips/tricks/anything for handling a non-flexible 8-5 schedule, please please share with me. And, if anyone else has a crazy freedom/personal independence score like me…teach me how to survive office life. I definitely will not stay there forever, but for now it has to happen.

 PS. I would highly recommend getting a Birkman’s assessment done. Although they do take a while (298 questions…yikes!) it is worth it to know yourself even better. For more information you can visit the Birkman website. And no, no one paid me to write about this haha.

-M