27

I turned 27 a few weeks ago, and haven’t really had the opportunity to sit down and blog in a while, so I’m taking this time (in the Dallas airport on a layover haha) to get a few things out. My personality LOVES reflection, so if I’m a little too much for you, I get it (sometimes I’m too much for myself as well haha).

27 sounds like the age of a “real” adult. When I was younger I just assumed I’d wake up one day and be an adult; a responsible, timely, productive adult. Yeah right. I now know that you never really grow (all the way) up. And while you change as you age, you’re still you at your core. Which, depending how much you like yourself, can be a good or bad thing. The beauty here is that you are in control of you, and you can work (albeit hard) to change those negative behaviors, thoughts or habits that you don’t like.

Leading up to my birthday was rough. I completely lost it the week before. And by “it” I mean my sanity. We ended up having to move from one friend’s house into another last minute (which warranted me wasting a vacation day), and that, coupled with job stresses, some family stresses, and overcommitting myself was enough to throw me over the edge. (Our house isn’t quite done enough to live in yet.)

If you know me, then you know I am not a yeller. I rarely raise my voice at people in anger, and in return, I don’t respond well when someone yells at me. It’s not my style. I yelled that week, and I’m pretty sure I dropped more f-bombs in those 7 days alone than in 2019 thus far.

Why am I sharing this?

Not totally sure. Maybe because it felt like a turning point, happening right before my birthday, maybe because some of you may be experiencing similar feelings, or coming close to reaching your own breaking points. [You’re not alone].
Regardless, I wasn’t myself. I could barely focus or hold a conversation, and was emotionally drained. Putting on a happy face to coach was beyond challenging. I felt so stuck; I had committed to all these things, and while they are all good things, there is so much truth in “too much of a good thing.”

Because of this I told Brendan I needed to get away for my birthday. (Preferably somewhere without cell service or a lot of people). I wanted to start my 27th year of life on a positive note – to set the tone and set my intentions for the year to come. Which is how we ended up in the Upper Peninsula…Lake Michigan is my happy place and Lake Superior is arguably even more beautiful, so we went up there to spend my birthday in peace. (I shared all the pretty places we visited here).

While there I decided that my goal for my 27^th year of life is to SLOW DOWN. As much as I would like to, I can’t just quit everything immediately to slow down and start over. What I can do, and have been doing for the last few weeks, is to not allow myself to get stressed out about the number of things that have to be done. Because, at the end of the day, it always gets done somehow. Along with that, I’m working on a plan to change up my situation.

For all of 2019 I’ve been saying, “things will calm down next month.” Well, here we are in mid-August and I can tell you that has not yet happened, so it’s time for me to make more conscious efforts and decisions to do that. [this means I will be saying no more, so if I tell you no, please understand this is what I need to do for me right now].
I’ve spoken about this on Instastories before, but because I’m unfulfilled with the work I have at my regular job, I always end up finding side hustles that help fill my cup. At first it’s good, it’s exciting and I enjoy it. But then, after a few months of constant hustle, it becomes too much. (Leaving my house at 6am and returning at 8pm multiple days per week is TOO much.)
This past year has been A LOT (for lack of a better word). Learning about myself as a person, and who I am in all my different relationships, trying to be supportive and helpful and present for my family from a different state, trying to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go career wise, trying to have as much fun as possible while also accomplishing ALL THE THINGS. Which is how I end up with way too much on my plate. Moving forward, if its not a HELL YES, then it has to be a NO. Regardless of how I feel about the people, the activity or the company. I’ve been able to narrow down what my ideal situation looks like, and anything that isn’t helping me get there has to go (even if its a kind of yes).
[Reading The Big Leap was very helpful as I worked through this.]
Along with all of that, I’ve been mentally working on learning to let go of the expectations I’ve allowed society/friends/family to place on me. I’m working to find my own path, and create the life that I want to have, regardless of someone else’s opinion of it. (sidenote: unlearning is significantly harder than learning in my opinion).

So, as I dive into this next year of life, I continue to be grateful for all the amazing experiences I’ve had, the people that love and support me unconditionally, the beautiful life I already have and all the learning that has happened thus far.
Cheers!
xo, Maddy